How to Overcome the Financial Stress of Inflation
Tips from a Registered Clinical Counsellor on how to deal with anxiety, depression and stress.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Viktor Frankl
My guest this week is Kylie Bartel. Kylie is a counselling therapist and rider mindset coach from the Fraser Valley. She is an avid horseback rider and wilderness enthusiast, where she specializes in integrating horses and outdoor activities into counselling therapy and coaching.
She helps her clients disconnect from technology and helps them develop strategies for navigating anxiety, stress, and the fast pace of life. I was eager to sit down with her because terms like anxiety, depression, addiction and PTSD are becoming more and more talked about. Either you or someone you know has faced these challenges.
Kylie has worked for many years providing trauma-informed psychotherapy and mental health counselling to children, youth and families. She enjoys tying ing nature, movement and animals into her therapy because they bring individuals inner work to life and deepen the learning process in a profoundly meaningful way.
We have all been through a lot. There was a global pandemic, and in the Fraser Valley we experienced a heat dome, an atmospheric river and flooding that had long-lasting impacts. This really impacted farmers, families and peoples bottom lines. Now, we face downsizing, inflation and a potential recession looming over our heads.
I was excited to speak with Kylie to find out how do we manage all these tough problems and complicated conversations. There is a deep shame people feel when they have to put food back on the shelf at the grocery store, or when they can’t get their children the top of the line present at Christmas time, or when they have to look at downsizing their vehicle or their home. How do we navigate these conversations in our home? How do we admit to our loved ones that we are struggling financially? How do we love ourselves, despite our money not going as far as it used to?
These are tough questions, and Kylie provides incredible insights on how to navigate the financial stress of inflation and a looming recession. We talk about coping mechanisms, tools on how to talk about it, and strategies people can apply to ensure that they don’t turn to substances or unhealthy vices. These aren’t easy problems to solve, but this is where we need to lean on loved ones.
Tip 1 - Name the Emotion.
What do you do when you feel shame or guilt about your financial circumstance? Being able to name emotions, and to understand where they come from is a really important part of knowing how to move forward with them. Kylie references Brené Brown, and her work on differentiating between shame and guilt. Her research found that shame is a focus on self: “I am bad” and “I am the problem”. Whereas, guilt is a focus on behaviour: “I did something bad” or “I did something that doesn’t align with my values or who I want to be”.
Shame is highly associated with depression, anxiety, addiction and suicide. Guilt is inversely correlated with those things. Guilt is actually an incredible motivator for changing things. If your self talk as you are putting items back on the shelf of the grocery store is “I am not enough”, “I’m such an idiot”, “I’m such a loser - I can’t even afford to buy my kids these dunkaroos”. Your only real way of fixing that is to withdraw and numb.
But if the focus is more on guilt and ask yourself “Did I do anything wrong?” No. “Did I lose my job?” No. “Did I act in a way that didn’t align with my values? No. For some, maybe they gambled away some of their money. For some, maybe they are using too much alcohol which is becoming a big monthly cost. Through that, maybe the person realizes this isn’t the type of parent they want to be. If we can put the focus more on the behaviour and less on the person it can motivate change.
Sometimes, we did nothing wrong. Inflation is a great example of this. The cost of gas, groceries and goods have gone up. Maybe your paycheque isn’t reaching as far as it was, but you didn’t do anything wrong.
Tip 2. - Figure Out What Your Greater Yes Would Be.
The next step is to ask yourself what would your greater yes be. Kylie talks about how you wish you could say yes to giving your kids or loved ones the items they want but how there are other ways to love our kids and family members. There are ways to make the important people in your life feel special and important that don’t require money.
Kylie shares the story of her dad going back to school when her sister and her were young and money was tight. One of her favourite memories was her dad finding some old plywood on the back of the farm, building a 5x5 pool with scaffolding, and placing a tarp in the centre, and adding water. She still has a photo of that time when she was about 6 years old. They had the most fun and it didn’t cost a penny.
At the end of the day, Kylie reminds us that human beings are wired for love and belonging. We don’t do very well if we aren’t fed, loved and supported. This is the greatest gift you can give to your loved ones. So get innovative, get unique, and give your loved ones time, attention, and love.
Kylie and I also discuss what it means to live a meaningful life. Right now, everyone is trying to ‘do what makes them happy’. Personally, I don’t think that philosophy holds water. Why? Because there is no end. Say you buy the new iPhone, because it makes you happy. What about tomorrow? Well, now you need a new vehicle. Why? Well… it makes you happy. Then you go and get a new wardrobe, so you look good - are you happy yet? No, because happiness is fleeting - it is great when it comes but it isn’t the key to live a meaningful life.
Often hard work is worthwhile but it doesn’t necessarily make you happy. For myself, running helps me clear my mind, reconnect with my body and think about life. It doesn’t ‘make me happy, but I need to do it in order to be the person I aim to be. Cleaning the house gives me a sense of peace, but it doesn’t ‘make me happy, but it needs to be done nonetheless.
In my view, a better goal is to do what is meaningful. Why? Because it is an open ended question. Then you may ask, how do I know what is meaningful? To which I would say - great question. I have two answers.
First, figure out who is in your inner circle. It may be your mother, father, sister, brother, significant other or friend. Then, figure out what they need. Is their car working properly? Could you help them with their schooling? Do they need a friend to lean on? Are they struggling with unhealthy habits? How could you lift them up? That is the first step, improve the circumstances of those around you - and I promise it will be hard work BUT incredibly meaningful. If you can find a way to do this for your friends, family and community - you will live a meaningful life.
Second, figure out when time flies by for you. When you are making music, running, writing, drawing or talking to someone - does time fly by? For me, when I am engaged in a conversation with another person, those three hours fly by. Look for those moments, try to prolong those moments - as that is a sign that it is meaningful to you. In contrast, when you are sitting in a doctors office and time just seems to be creeping by… 1 minute, 2 minutes. 3 minutes and 15 seconds it is a sign that it is the opposite of meaningful to you. When there is 15 minutes left of work, and those are the slowest minutes - that is a sign.
Third, commit yourself to doing something difficult. Life keeps getting easier. Food is delivered right to your door, all your essentials are shipped by Amazon, and there is endless content on streaming platforms. As humans, we need adversity. We need to overcome challenge - that is what makes people interesting. Find something, whether it is creating art, getting an education, cleaning roads, or lifting weights and commit yourself to it. See how far you can go with it. Not only will you develop respect and admiration for yourself, but it could lead to new opportunities.
Jordan Peterson has a rule, do what is meaningful not what is expedient. Why? Because we are meaning seeking creatures. We want to know that all of this has a purpose. I found that Kylie had a deep understanding of this idea. It is in part why she chose to have a unique practice style. She worked in equine therapy, where the horses became burnt out. The horses weren’t enjoying what they were doing. She noticed. She decided to develop a practice that was good for the client, the horse and herself.
