The Secret to Developing Independence & Confidence
Lessons from Emotional Intelligence Expert Carolyn Stern
Independence
As someone who has always been drawn to the idea of self-reliance, I wanted to delve into what it means to be truly independent and how we can empower others with the right tools to understand this concept.
The conversation quickly evolved to include interdependence, and I found myself reflecting on the fine line between finding our own way and developing a community around us.
Carolyn brought her expertise in emotional intelligence to the table, emphasizing the continuum of independence, from self-direction to a reluctance to ask for help.
Her insights prompted me to share my own journey from viewing independence as a solo endeavour, similar to a UFC fighter, to embracing interdependence and working with others who share my vision. Rebekah was the first to take me on this journey, showing that relying on others can build trust, confidence and a sense of warmth. This transition has shaped my approach to collaboration and allowed me to grow in ways I hadn't anticipated.
Carolyn and I touched on how too much independence can impact our relationships, both personally and professionally. Carolyn's personal anecdotes resonated with me, and I realized that the desire to do everything ourselves can sometimes create a barrier, leading to feelings of mistrust or insignificance in those around us.
By acknowledging the value of interdependence and making a conscious effort to include others, even in the simplest of tasks, we can foster a more supportive and trusting environment.
It’s key that we constantly strive to find the balance between independence and connection. A few takeaways from this part of the conversation for me were:
Invest in Personal Growth: As someone who has walked this path, I can't emphasize enough the importance of developing oneself. It's all about building confidence in your ability to tackle problems and act independently. The more you grow, the more you realize the strength in your independence.
Embody Reliability: Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, whether in business or personal life. Show others that they can depend on you. Be the person who's not just trustworthy but also actively supportive. I've found that this is a sure way to build strong and lasting connections.
Cultivate Interconnectedness: This has been a key theme in my journey towards understanding interdependence. Seek out those who share your vision and values, those who can effectively support you and have a robust sense of self. It's not just about independence; it's about forging connections that empower all parties involved. Connecting with like-minded individuals has been pivotal in my own growth, and I believe it can be for you as well.
Confidence
Carolyn's insights on the current trend in education were quite revealing. The reliance on tools like chatbots and calculators has made students less self-reliant and less trusting in their judgments.
As I reflected, "When I was a kid, it was a calculator. Don't rely on your calculator. You're not always going to have it. Now we have a calculator at all times," it highlights how our constant access to tools might be hindering our belief in ourselves.
This leads to a society where young people are constantly looking at others' ideas, failing to innovate or come up with original thoughts. The tools should be a help, not a replacement for genuine understanding and creativity.
Our conversation then delved into the importance of being authentic and courageous, especially in the face of judgment and vulnerability. Creativity involves putting yourself out there, and that can be terrifying.
But as Carolyn wisely stated, "You can be brave and afraid at the same time." Tools like calculators or AI can be used, but they shouldn't replace the unique "secret sauce" that each individual brings to their work.
As I emphasized, it's about finding the balance in our society, using tools thoughtfully, and assessing understanding through more personalized methods like interviews and presentations. It's about fostering real understanding, rather than just focusing on flawless execution.
These are a few key takeaways from Carolyn and I’s discussion on emotional intelligence and confidence:
Mastering Your Passion: Unearth your passion and turn it into a skill you can confidently claim. Whether it's writing, painting, biking, martial arts, or repairing things, nurture it until you reach a point where you believe in your abilities wholeheartedly. Strive to be so proficient that no one's opinion overshadows your own. It's not just about enjoying what you do; it's about elevating it to a level where your self-assurance reigns supreme.
Cultivating a Mindset of Excellence: Adopt a mindset where excellence permeates all aspects of your life. Take pride in every task, whether it's making your bed or washing the car, and do it to your highest standard. By developing this mindset, you'll foster a work ethic that's uniquely yours and resonates with who you are. Your standard becomes a reflection of your commitment, attention to detail, and personal pride.
Believe in Your Potential for Greatness: Never underestimate your potential to leave a mark on this world. Great minds like Albert Einstein, Van Gogh, Stephen Hawking, and William Shakespeare were once ordinary people with extraordinary determination. They didn't know their names would symbolize brilliance and creativity. Embrace this perspective and realize that your work can also transcend time and expectations. You have the potential to impact the world in ways you've never imagined, forging a legacy that lives on.
You can listen to the full Emotional Intelligence Explained mini-series with Carolyn Stern on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube and all other podcast platforms!
